Description

One of the very best scientific predictors for how any child turns out – in terms of happiness, academic success, leadership skills, and meaningful relationships – is whether at least one adult in their life has consistently shown up for them. In an age of scheduling demands and digital distractions, showing up for your child might sound like a tall order. But as best-selling authors Daniel Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson reassuringly explain, it doesn’t take a lot of time, energy, or money. Instead, showing up means offering a quality of presence. And it’s simple to provide once you understand the four building blocks of a child’s healthy development. Every child needs to feel what Siegel and Bryson call the Four S’s:

• Safe: We can’t always insulate a child from injury or avoid doing something that leads to hurt feelings. But when we give a child a sense of safe harbor, she will be able to take the needed risks for growth and change.
• Seen: Truly seeing a child means we pay attention to his emotions – both positive and negative – and strive to attune to what’s happening in his mind beneath his behavior.
• Soothed: Soothing isn’t about providing a life of ease; it’s about teaching your child how to cope when life gets hard, and showing him that you’ll be there with him along the way. A soothed child knows that he’ll never have to suffer alone.
• Secure: When a child knows she can count on you, time and again, to show up – when you reliably provide safety, focus on seeing her, and soothe her in times of need, she will trust in a feeling of secure attachment. And thrive!

Based on the latest brain and attachment research, The Power of Showing Up shares stories, scripts, simple strategies, and tips for honoring the Four S’s effectively in all kinds of situations – when our kids are struggling or when they are enjoying success; when we are consoling, disciplining, or arguing with them; and even when we are apologizing for the times we don’t show up for them. Demonstrating that mistakes and missteps are repairable and that it’s never too late to mend broken trust, this audiobook is a powerful guide to cultivating your child’s healthy emotional landscape.

(2021, paperback, parenting, 256 pages)

Staff Member Review

The Power of Showing Up begins with one question: What is the single most important thing I can do for my children to help them thrive in life? The answer, as the title suggests, is simply showing up. This book overviews attachment theory and how it applies to parenting. If connected parenting is new to you, you will find value as you learn about the science behind attachment theory. Others, however, may find this book somewhat repetitive—one aspect I found distracting while reading is the numerous references to the authors’ previous books. At the beginning of the book, Dan and Tina highlight that The Power of Showing Up can serve as an introduction to all of their previous offerings.

Be forewarned, this book may allow some “mom guilt” to surface because, obviously, parents don’t do everything perfectly all the time. Some suggested scenarios were overly simplistic and seemed like they would only work in an ideal world. Kids aren’t always easily soothed by an adult’s presence. Children who have suffered grief and loss are entitled to their emotions. They may want to be alone or to argue things out, especially if they are beyond the toddler years. This book is not specific to children who have been in out-of-home care, who have been adopted, or who may have trauma backgrounds. Instead, much of the focus is on trauma the parents may have had in the past and how to parent differently than how they were raised.

The excellent bottom-line advice The Power of Showing Up brings is to be emotionally available to your children and to always try your best. The authors stress that mistakes and missteps are repairable and that it is never too late to mend broken trust. The ultimate goal of attached parenting is to move the children toward inner soothing, and following the advice provided will help them reach that goal.

Author: Daniel J. Siegel, M.D.
Additional Author: Tina Payne Bryson, Ph. D
ISBN: 978-1-5247-9773-7
Count: 1